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I Need all the Help I Can Get

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  • I Need all the Help I Can Get

    I hav'nt been around this site much in the last couple of weeks cause my wife Sylvia is very I'll.

    She has a cronic lung disease, and after contracting a virus, has been on a resperator for a week in an intensive care unit. Her right lung keeps collapsing.

    Everyday I stay with her at the hospital (10am to 9pm), then try and catch up with my work during the night, but I am running out of stamina. Im getting at most 3 hours of sleep a night.

    At this time I could really do with some help.

    We've been together for 38 years, and she is my soul, and my best friend. She bought me my TD6V kit but I just cant bring myself to play it anymore.
    Ive lost all feel for it.

    Has any one else here been in this situation.

  • #2
    Very sad indeed mate,I hope things work out.But play them for her,She got them for you so the right thing to do is play them,She did not get them for you to sit there and gather dust now did she ?.My dad was a great guitar player(accustic)and i was a drummer,lesson after lesson when i was young on guitar.But in my heart i knew i was a drummer like my aunty,And ive played in bands with my dad(now passed) and he said i was the best drummer he ever played with.Ill cherrish that for the rest of my life mate.Chin up mate and wish you all well.
    Last edited by pluto3; 12-02-08, 09:41 PM.
    TD3 + SPD-6 and love it


    • #3

      SO SORRY to hear about your wife Sylvia. I worked as a respiratory therapist for about 12 years so I used to take care of people in the same situation as your wife. I'm sure they're doing all the can for her treatment wise. I've been out of respiratory for about 12+ years now, so they have probably come a long way since I last took care of somebody on a vent.

      Do you have someone to share siting with her? I hope you do so that you can get some rest and take care of yourself. When she gets out of the hospital she's going to need you to take care of her so don't run yourself down and get sick yourself.

      we can give you some encouragement and support but you need some people there with you to help, friend, family, neighbors...you'd be surprised how some of these folks can come through for you and for your wife.

      family is the most important thing. I can't imagine what you're going through with your wife so ill at the moment. We're all here for you !

      I wish your wife a speedy and full recovery. Don't forget to take care of yourself too.

      TD-12/Gibraltar rack/Pintech Concertcast drums 12" snare, 1 12" tom, 2 10" toms, 8" mesh kick, Visulite cymbals, 14" dual zone crash, 13" hi-hat, 18" 3 zone ride and 2 Dingbats, Roland PM-10, iPod, Zildjian anti-vibe sticks, Roc-N-Soc throne with backrest, Yamaha snare stand, Tama Iron Cobra pedal and HH75W hi-hat stand, Sennheiser HDR 110 wireless headphones. V-expressions 80's and 90's Giggin' Kits and Both Top 50 drummers (hopefully functional soon)


      • #4

        I've just said a prayer for Sylvia.

        Take good care of yourself.
        My compact kit.


        • #5
          Very sorry to hear about your wife, hope she get better soon.

          Sometimes we think the only only priorities in life are our loved ones and paying the bills, but you've got to look after yourself too, physically and mentally.

          If you enjoy working out new songs or techniques then do that, if you enjoy just playing the same old stuff you've always done then do that and forget about making progress, just play and enjoy. If you're not enjoying that then leave it for another day and get some rest or do something else.

          Sometimes drumming puts a big stupid grin on my face and makes me forget about my worries, sometimes it's just another thing demanding my time and I feel like giving up.

          In your situation you've got to try do the things that help you relax and if drumming isn't one of them, don't worry about it. There'll still be drums next week / year / decade, whenever you feel like having another go. Hanging around this forum is a great way of getting your drumming mojo back when you're ready, everyone's enthusiasm is infectious.

          Just don't run yourself into the ground, if you absolutely can't free up some time from work then maybe you've got to spend a little less time at the hospital because you can't go on having just 3 hours sleep. Your wife wouldn't want you to make yourself ill, I'm sure she'll understand and appreciate the time you do spend with her.

          Best wishes to you both



          • #6
            Thoughts are with you...

            cherish the drums as a token of her affection, and honour her by playing them....and may her recovery be swift and full...
            TD9+6v with Diamond Electronic pads, and cowbell.
            ATH-50m headphones, VEX packs
            not to mention keyboards, guitars, basses, and cats


            • #7

              Very sad to hear. I'm not much of a talking guy sometimes, and I can only say that I feel very sorry and that my thoughts are with you. Try to get some more sleep and stay positive. For mental support you are welcome on the forum, I can only hope you have l support from people around you too.

              Wish you the best.

              'lectric drumma
              Roland TD-20, Hart Dynamics 7.6, 2 x PD-7, extra PD-7 and Hart Snare laying around, Vic Firth Dave Weckl signature sticks, Axis A-longboards double pedal, Sony MDR-CD780 headphones and not enough inputs.


              • #8
                Stay strong, John.
                And drum if you can, even if it's only for 5 minutes at a time. Release what is inside of you by hitting your kit.
                You are in my thoughts.
                TD9 Frankenkit


                • #9
                  I wish your wife a speedy recovery too.
                  I can't add any more, but do look after yourself too.


                  • #10
                    John: My best to you and your wife. Don't sweat not playing right now, you'll come back to it. And get a bit more sleep willya? You're not helping yourself or your wife killing yourself on 3 hours of sleep a night.

                    TD-12, DTX502, SD1000, EZDrummer, Diamond Drum 12" snare, S1000 toms/cymbals/kick, PCY10/100/135/155, CY-5/14, Hart Ride, Hart Acupad 8" kick, Epedal Pro II, Concept 1 pads/cymbals, SD1000 & Roland V Sessions racks, PD-7, Kit Toy 10" splash, DMPad ride, SamplePad, PerformancePad Pro


                    • #11
                      Hang in there John - it's all a matter of priorities.

                      Family, sleep - and providing income to ensure you can do the first two - are no doubt priorities over drumming (unless, of course, that is the source of the income).

                      My father passed away mid-October, and I haven't touched my drums since about a week before that. He and I were very close, and he was a tremendous influence in my life.

                      However, work and keeping a demanding business going (though I do have an exceptional "right hand" at the helm) are certainly priorities. Helping my Mother tend to all necessary affairs (in PA at first, from about 700 miles away since) has been a new and additional activity.

                      With all that, I was increasingly going short on sleep (I mostly sleep during the day) until this past week. I felt guilty and frustrated because other activities were/are on the "backburner". That guilt and frustration are now gone, as I brought myself back to the realization of priorities - and a lack of sleep clouded that thought process.

                      And - as I said - priorities prevail. The drums can wait; family, sleep, and all else that is necessary come first.
                      Hart Pro 6.4 (Hammered Chrome), Roland TD-8, Gibraltar Throne w/ Backrest, Tama Iron Cobra Bass Pedal, ALTEC A7-500 "Voice of the Theatre" Speaker/Horn System with Sunn Concert Slave amp and lot of other audio stuff, Sony MDR-7506 Headphones, Zildjian DipSticks - and Czech Skorpian, Heckler & Koch MP5, etc Submachine Guns to stick out the window behind my kit for some quite unique fills...


                      • #12
                        My best wishes for a quick recovery for your wife, John.
                        Immensely powerful yet with a liquid cat-quick elegance


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by John.b
                          Ive lost all feel for it.

                          Thank god I've not been in your situation, but try to keep your spirits up and know that you both are in our thoughts.

                          Best wishes to both you and your wife.

                          Sabre's Album


                          • #14
                            Ditto what everyone else has said ................ and go play 'em ......... get the headphones on and go lose yourself for a while. Kind of similar scenario ; years ago now, i lost my Mum suddenly / funeral arranged for the following Saturday ...... and we had a gig. The guys volunteered to cancel but i said no ...... i just knew i'd need to get out with my closest friends in the world and play....... funeral at 1pm, soundcheck at 5pm. Was i wrong ? To this day i dont think so. People have their own ways of coping ... mine was to immerse myself in my music. She was a wonderful pianist and i know she would have wanted me out playing, not slopping around grieving. Stay strong mate. Its a damn fine community here and we're all here for you. Regards, Steve
                            TD10ex, SPD-S, kd's, pd's, cy's, Koby, KitToys ( 9" splash & 10" mini china - yep you read that correctly... a very rare 10" mini china lol ), Iron Cobra, Mackie, Beyer. arizonaband.net


                            • #15
                              Very sad to hear John, and like all the other guys I wish you both well. It is times like this that it becomes clear what is really important. You're doing the right thing.