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Drummer Crimes & Fines

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  • Drummer Crimes & Fines

    My bass player decided to get back at me for my endless jokes about bass players. It's OK with me, because I was starting to feel kind of low for picking on such an easy target anyway.

    So, for your amusement, or too close to the truth kind of pain...

    ''FINES FOR DRUMMERS''
    > Subject: Drummer's Fines

    DRUMMERS REAL NAME: _______________________________ (other than
    "sticks", "backbeat", "snake", "Biff "... etc.)

    -Setup / Equipment Offences-

    Brings a 36" bass drum - $25.
    Has more than one bass drum - $100.
    Brings a 10" deep snare (for a solid back beat) - $50.
    Brings more than 2 mounted toms - $25.
    Has a tubular chrome bar that holds all his mounted toms - $50.
    Brings more than one floor tom - $25.
    Uses extra floor tom for ashtray & drink holder - $75.
    Brings more than two crash cymbals - $25.
    Doesn't bring a ride cymbal - $250.
    Uses Sabian B8 cymbal set - Dismissal & Public Torture.
    Uses ZBT, ZXT, et al cymbal set - Public Execution.
    Brings a 46" Chinese gong (for big endings) - $75.
    Brings two timpani (for really big endings) - $100.
    Brings extra splashes (Just in case) - $25 each.
    Doesn't own any brushes - $300.
    Owns brushes but can't play them - $500.
    Has a hi-hat that is welded shut - $250.
    Asks leader where he can plug in his headphones - $200.
    Asks Guitarist for help with unloading drums - $150.
    Wears dirty white Nike sneakers on tux gig - $50.
    Tunes snare drum during the benediction - $175.
    Tunes snare drum - $10.

    -Performance Offences-

    Plays eighth note rock ballad style on "Stardust" - $150.
    Pretends to read chart with big band - $25.
    Actually reads drum part for big band (note for note) -$200.
    Asks bass player "Where are we?" on "Happy Birthday" - $1000.
    Plays disco beat on "A Train" - $200.
    Plays shuffle on "Mustang Sally" - $100.
    Plays "Mustang Sally" correctly Dismissal.
    Takes fours on "The Bride Cuts the Cake" - $100.
    Takes a break when the leader says "A request for Take 5" - $25.
    Actually tries to play on "Take 5" - $150.
    Asks leader what brushes are - $250.
    Plays breaks in "Cute" with sticks - $50.
    Plays blast beats during "Johnny B. Goode" - $500.


    -Miscellaneous Offences-

    Mentions to host that "DJs are the wave of the future" - $100.
    Is first in line at the party's buffet -$50.
    Asks where the "to-go bags" are at the buffet line -$100.
    Asks the bartender for 3 "Purple Shooters" - $50.
    Says to the bride "You've got a nice set of hooters" - $25.
    Says to the brides mother "Hey this is a f#%*in' good party"- $150.
    Is ten minutes late for the next set - $25.
    Is twenty minutes late for the next set - $10.
    Never shows up for the next set - $1.
    Wears Slipknot makeup for band photo shoot Dismissal
    Excessive Sweating - $5000.

    -Drummer Crimes-

    Warming up on "60 Ways..." or "Rosanna." - $50.
    LISTENING to Rosanna, even in private with headphones on - $50.
    Extends solo in Zep's "Rock & Roll" to 10 minutes - $1000.
    Bringing a mega kit to a multiband gig - $100.
    Breaking that kit down on stage after your ****ty set - $250.
    Asks bassist to move rig so third floor tom will fit onstage - $50 per Sq. Ft.) Extra logo stickers on bass drum head - $75 each.
    Stick holders - $10.
    Drumming Shoes - $100.
    Drumming gloves Dismissal.
    Double pedals - $500.
    USING the double pedals. Dismissal.
    Wearing Zildjian T-shirt onstage. - $50.
    Roto toms - $50 each.
    RIMS mounts and Moongel used simultaneously - Public Flogging.
    Extra deep kicks and toms - $50 each.
    Glow in the dark drumsticks - $500.
    Asks keyboard player about GED test - $150.
    Hits on singer's girlfriend - $5.
    Hits on club owner's wife - $1000.



    Jim
    "too loud, too late"
    My mom, circa 1974 (before v-drums)

    www.redrhythm.com

  • #2
    Okay, so now that I'm like fined...like uh $3,287... is the beer still free?

    Comment


    • #3
      Well, I guess I know what I'll be doing with my economic stimulus package now.
      >>>See my E-kit here<<<

      >>>See my A-kit here<<<

      Comment


      • #4
        Man, that is BRU-TAL!

        Sounds like living in Communist China!
        Id rather be told the ugly truth than handed a pretty lie.

        Comment


        • #5
          Boy, I am guilty of a few of those.
          sigpic

          Comment


          • #6
            The Misc are the best!.

            Drum Shoes and Drum Gloves . Tee Hee

            What about wearing your bands Tshirt while on stage at your show?

            Comment


            • #7
              ROFL Classic stuff

              Comment


              • #8
                WHA?!?!?! What's wrong with a stick holder.....???? It's only a 10 dollar infraction, but c'mon!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by jimiguy View Post
                  Brings a 46" Chinese gong (for big endings) - $75.
                  Brings two timpani (for really big endings) - $100.
                  Sounds like fun
                  Plays disco beat on "A Train" - $200.
                  Plays shuffle on "Mustang Sally" - $100.
                  Yikes
                  Takes a break when the leader says "A request for Take 5" - $25.
                  Plays blast beats during "Johnny B. Goode" - $500.
                  LOL
                  Mentions to host that "DJs are the wave of the future" - $100.
                  NOT!!!
                  Excessive Sweating - $5000.
                  I've seen that at more than one gig.
                  LISTENING to Rosanna, even in private with headphones on - $50.
                  Awww...c'mon... what's wrong with Toto?
                  Extends solo in Zep's "Rock & Roll" to 10 minutes - $1000.
                  Seen that more than once too
                  Roto toms - $50 each.
                  Awwww.... Roto's are cool
                  Hits on singer's girlfriend - $5.
                  What if I AM the singer's girlfriend?
                  Hits on club owner's wife - $1000.
                  I was almost the club owners wife at one stage....seriously!!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    That's a funny list. Jimiguy - you are the man!
                    Immensely powerful yet with a liquid cat-quick elegance

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      You missed some mate.

                      Counting in the wrong tempo.

                      Counting in and playing the wrong number.

                      Loosing your way in a feel and coming in 1/2 a bar late.

                      Dropping your *** during a number and stopping to pick it up.

                      Trying to catch the bar maids eye while your playing to get another pint.

                      Wearing sunglasses cause the lights are to bright.

                      Running to the bar between numbers.

                      Having too many and falling off your throne.

                      Asking the club manager if he knows who in the audience has got some weed to sell.

                      Nailing wooden battens to the stage to stop your base drum moving.

                      Chatting up some dubious looking girl during the break and giving her your singers phone number instead of yours.

                      Conning some guy to stay on late to load your drums onto the van, on the pretence youll send him and his mates tickets for your next university gig.

                      Im not speaking from experience here. Huh

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by John.b View Post
                        Chatting up some dubious looking girl during the break and giving her your singers phone number instead of yours.
                        Isnt that a bonus not a fine?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by jimiguy View Post
                          Has a hi-hat that is welded shut - $250.
                          ^^^^ that one killed me!!!!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            That is funny.. Lowest fine is:
                            Never shows up for the next set -- $1.
                            TD-6v, (3x)CY-8, (4x)PD-8's (2x)PD-6's (1x)PD-80R (1)KD-8 http://www.cstoliker.com/Drums/

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              having to go to the bathroom in the middle of the set and going.
                              Pearl Mimic pro, A to E 7 piece Pearl Decade maple, ddrum Deccabons, Ddrum DDTi, UFO X-bar triggers, Real feel heads, Gibraltar rack, VH13, PD105 side snare, Roc-N-Soc,Tama Iron Cobra, Iron cobra high hat stand, Cobra clutch, Pearl throne thumper, Roland and Kit Toys cymbals, Roland KC 500, Promark

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